monday blues

where do i start? hmmm ok. yesterday morning i chat with the girl that i love for along time it was fun alot of fantasy, and i love it. it was great to chat with her even its for awhile. i miss her and rasa rindu makin membara everyday. we talk we do something that she love and i love so well den she when to sleep and i stay up because i really miss her and only her in my mind at that time. and i was thinking is she feel what i feel? hmmmm. i dont know lah. atless i got the chance to chat with her. walaupun i noe she not mine anymore. i wish that i could turn back time. do it properly. hmm balik2 jua ah fikir kan catu.. but yea i feel love and sayang and rindu. ya allah im going crazy again. even masa ia tidur aku keep on texting her inda beranti walaupun ia nda mereply. thats crazy right? mcm ckp sendiri.. haha. so crazy that i visualize i died alone. no one else with me. no kids no wife. hahaha im crazy. and then lapas atu i try to sleep lah and batah lah kn bawa tidur. sudah mata hari naik baru tah tetidur sekajap sekali tebangun and tarus rindu kan ia... my mind keep on asking ada kah dia juga merindui aku dalam tidur nya. sekali i try to sleep after few hour thinking about her and den i went to sleep again in the afternoon until 3 pm sal my dad bangun kn tuk main bola.

she text me masa atu but i reply batah sal baru bangun. rasa besalah jua lah. den den her mood turn not good and i wonder tia is it because of me? sal kan everytime after chat kn malam2 lapas putus lah. i always text her jua lah walaupun ia tidur. i ask her alot of question den kan apa yang i said lapas ia tidur has been ignore until now. o well i deserve that pulang. and i wonder lapas chat kan sampai menyubuh. sekali esk she like different again. and then mcm malam baru tia ia kn cari aku. selalunya like after bejalan sama si jahanam or kan tidur or lapas jln2 or i dont really know lah. i feel like kena cari masa ia nada kawan saja. hmmm thats how her feel jua dulu sal i did that kind of thing dulu and i did not realize it actually. i feel guilty now thats why i just let it be cuz i deserve that kind of treatment from her. walaupun its hurt but now i feel how she felt when i was and asshole dulu tu her and i was stupid and dumb head and fucking idiot.

and i feel so sad tdi jua sal ia ckp ia moody and she said pasal masalah nya. and i noe ia share to si jahanam atu jua ia punya problem not me. i feel so jelos and hurt and this is how she feel dulu so. padas rasa nya kena kana kan balik. mcm lagu c jt what goes around comes around. nya bini2 yg ku cinta karma. sal dulu i dont wanna belive in karma. o well again i deserve it. buduh ku sendiri. but i wanna be that guy yg she tells her problem. i wanna be that guy yg she share everything with. myb im a failer dulu i never been that guy. i wanna be that guy now. im sorry and i noe its to late already. even ia punya facebook ckp she will never turn back not even kalip mata. something like that but yea. hmmmm i wanna be that guy that everytime she need someone ill be there for her. i wanna be there for her from her on out. i noe dulu i never been like that jua because im stupid and i dont really know how love actually works. i need to learn more but well its to late to get her back i guess.. and tadi i wanna pajal her to share it with me and its really wrong to pajal her because ia nda suka org memajal that why im so sad. how can i prove to her that i wanna be there for her. so aku menyamal saja mcm kanak2 menyamal i go saja play football eventot i feel so wrong and worry and miss her so badly. but in the end well i guess she share it with someone else i guess,, hmmmm

sekali i play football d mahawangsa sekolah rendah d lambak kiri dakat milimewah sama masjid sana. lawan sama family team. my family lawan my second cuzen punya family team. we lost. i had fun a few slide tackle and few stud on the leg of the opponent and few body smash. and i still love my cross like david beckham perasan sekajap but yea lawa mcm c beckham cross arah c ronaldo dari half padang sekali ronaldo score. hahaha.. check ia d youtube ada tu. banar2 kn sama tapi saja nda goal. sal my cuzen cawi hahahahaha... i play defend and midfield and winger tukar2 hahaha.. lalah hantap and pasal slide tackle iatah buat my leg sebalah kiri luka basar. setukin pindik.. haha but puas hati meliat urg terabang lol.. but banar nya bula wah tu sasak ku reffere ani nda pandai ref wuuu cawi. den den tepijak kaki urg saja.. hahaha sorry but i mean few of the antak sal kamu buyuk ckp family but kamu bawa urg luar. hahaha sak kali kamu wuuu. hahaha and den kn lapas game ampus datang and alot paluh and bebau masam. just like my love always said im so masam. den kn i go straight to mentiri ada kerja sama kawan


odw kesana. i saw this one young boy age around between 8 to 12 i guess so kesian meliat ia bejalan d highway sorang2 ketakutan mcm kelaparan lagi pigang2 pelastic mcm tromatize lah gila. sayu wah ku tarus meliat subahanallah. mcm apa kah. d brunei ada sudah urg mcm ani. im so sad. gila wah den i was thinking about the wasiat that my dad and my dad best friends bagi the other night that they want me to carry there legacy to make brunei and the rakyat better place and better living style. disturbute wealth and help develop brunei. hmmm. i feel so not ready but insyallah i wish to help alot of people in the future. and carry on my dad and his bestfriend dreams yg balum kesampaian. hmmm. sekali den like after that kan i was like sedih meliat sudah mcm mana usulnya brunei in the future aduh ma... sakit ni nanti bila nda berubah. haiya. dulu i dont wanna care cuz dorg punya utak dorg sendiri urus kn diri dorg. but i think now i should care about brunei future. not just serving your country at war or jadi pegawai kerajaan jadi pekerja saja. not like jadi menteri to help change every which dari dulu tani liat menteri nada buat apa2 yg bagus banar. and even sultan ckp mcm robot. but i wanna do something that i dont have to wait for menteri or kerajaan to say green light. when you want to help people you dont need permission from orang atasan tuk approve which sometime will take alot of time and sometime never gonna happen until they see brunei semakin rusak. haha apa kan ku ckp ani? wah not good. but yea. my uncle said to me in the future brunei will be floating. well only i have the full meaning pulang apa yg ia sampai kn masa atu.. hehe but i see it udah sikit demi sikit. and im so wanna change it when im still alife i dont want to see that in my life time. myb after i die den bulih lah.

ok banyak nonsense

anyway. sekali td aku keraja lapas main bola sama kawan ku d mentiri. sekali overtime tia jua sampai kul 4 pagi baru balik rumah.. sakit kepala sakit badan sakit kaki. and so nalih banar kan mampus udah. and masih jua membuat blog.


well banar nya im happy when my love tagur d chat.




i miss her so bad. i wish she still mine. no matter where i go she always in my head. in my heart. and i wish she feel the same way too. i keep on wonder day by day. until myb the clear answer reveal so i stop wondering. do i still have chances to win her love back? this is always my question everyday...

i wanna say sorry to her. i love her i miss her i care about her. fakhri sayang sayang.





and





im stupid

my emotion tonight

before i sleep.. this song come into my mind. emotion by destiny's child.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLNMbDDzwD8






this song speak all for my feeling and emotion. hmmm i miss her.




im stupid

6hr sleep

gila aku tetidur for 6hr dari kul 12 labih sampai kul 7mlm. gila. sandi. missed ku tournoment bolaaaaaa umban ke 10 pin aka bowling buduh. now i officially everytime thinking about bowling i get hurt. well well well skip. i need to go shower. gila bebau pulang. masam. ani wanna go fucking jalan2 buat bodoh. this is my weekend penuh dengan bosan. tidur on sunday afternoon. buduh.


bah i fuck off dulu






im stupid

jogging for fatsss

joggin joggin joggin. im fat and i know it. joggin d tasik lama. was jalan2 saja lah. nada lari2 ambil stamina dulu. pasal badan barat satu. dua nda balance mcm kn tumbang saja. tiga kaki kancang bila naik tangga and bukit. empat ampus melanda. kelima lalah hantap. keenam aku rindu my love. ketujuh aku buduh. kelapan aku lampuh. kesembilan aku buduh lagi. kesepuluh jubur ku basar hantap. bida wah. atu kali yg membuat nya aku barat atu. kesebalas angin banyak keluar tadi dari dua lobang. lobang jubur sama mulut haha.. tarap and kantut. and den den den ke duabelas aku halum tidur dari kelmarin. ke tigabalas aku makan indomee sejam before jogging and cakoi. ke empat balas. membalas pantun saja. ke lima balas. nada urg membalas. ke enam balasan. aku rindu ex girl ku. ke tujuh balas. aku rindu ia sepanjang ku pijak kaki d tasik lama atu. dari dulu sampai sekarang. ke lapan balas aku antah lah bosan masa ani lamah kan tidur and malas jua ku tidur. kn bejalan ku eh bosan ku d rumah. and and aku bosan aku bosan aku buduh aku bosan. aku mental aku gila.






bila tah kn turun ni berat badan ani. aiyoyo.





im stupid

football

football tonight with the lads. football is for loners like me. everyweeked never missed to watch football because i got no other things to do. such a boring life for now. i need to change my life style soon. hopefully in 3 month time i wanna go away from brunei. wanna fly away for a year or 2. i feel so lonely. so lonely im on my own now.. so lonely. mcm lagu c akon.



i miss my love girl. but my oppurtunity close and my life getting worst ever since my got back to brunei last year. well. i had happy moment. but long run only pain hurt and desaster made by me myself and i. because im stupid. im hoping that i never see this kind of life again. i wanna have better life. i wanna go somewhere else 1st and by the time i comeback to brunei i a change man. totally change. new friends. no one will know me. only my family know me. hmmm 10 year ? 10 year i go run away and maybe people will forget about me. no more old friends. old history left behind the pain the hurt. i wanna left behind. i wanna start my life over. well 10 year can be done like that i guess?

but but is it a good idea to leave all my past behind me? my family? my love already gone. my friends? well let see how it gonna be in 3 months time. if its happen its happen. if not wait for next year lah...


panjang udah ni.. to much stupid idea.


im stupid

going crazy

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tarik nafas

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why the fuck am i so stupid. damn. i feel loser start kickin in myself.

























im stupid

her sweet sweet thang

I miss the girl i love. how she treat me before was so so so sweet. and i wasted.


what the fuck. im stupid